I cant believe I left my blog for so long. Main reason was because all of my girls are back with me again!!!! I cant believe my luck. I might have lost some love but I gained them all again from my gfs. I really don't know how I lived my life without their love and support for so long.
A mini update for ppl that are following my blog. I AM BACK IN MSIA!!!!!! came back went to HK then to SG and now officially back in MSIA. I am currently doing internship. Shit pay but it has been fun so far. LOVE???? It's gone no where. Still single. I would still like to get married but I no longer wear rose tinted glasses anymore. Reality struck. It did strike years ago but I refuse to see it that way. I still badly wanted to believe in Happily Ever After, magic, love but I will never move on in life if I do. My life long ambition of being the perfect housewife has vanished, it has changed. To be successful in life you have to be strong, cunning, everything that I had hoped my "hubby" would shield me from. I wanted so much to give this special man a home, loving wife, a shelter from the world where worries would be non-existant. ( I didn't think I did so well anyway). Oh well life goes on. Time to move on. Move on to something that would respond to your hardwork, love and labor.
Anyway here is my latest obsession. It's a beautiful song from Chantal Kreviazuk 'These Days'. It is the soundtrack for Sisterhood of the travelling pants.
What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybook
Write me away from here
I need a different now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Let's take a moment out
Go were we never go
Let's make a new world now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
Then one day we'll find when we're looking back at this time
Wondering how we've come so far from this
When we close our eyes
What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What are we doing here
Who are we supposed to be
I'll take a better world I
'll take anything
I'll take our little world now
Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days
Hope you enjoyed it
All day I wait just to get a glimpse of you online. And when you are finally online,all I do is stare. I dont dare talk to you. I do not know what to say. I dont know what else is left to say. I did something the other day that reminded me of you. I could not hold the tears back any longer. All this time I only avoided thinking about you. I could only remember the way you held me in your arms and your kisses on my hair. All day I sit and wait. I do not know what I'm waiting for. I wonder if you ever thought of me. What we had together was to me almost like a movie. Except in movies you have better endings. I know one day I will have completely forgotten you...When is that one day coming?
I have Shi Shi and Wen Biao's wedding in October and my friend's wedding in Nov. I have two dresses. I'm not sure which one to wear. I know they will read my blog therefore have taken the initiative to take photos of me wearing the dresses so that they can choose which one they prefer me to wear to their wedding...Waaaahahahaa what a brilliant idea instead of thinking!!!!!! Hooray to democracy!!!!
I want to write about how I feel, about what is hurting me but I don't know what to write. I don't know what is wrong, I just know that I want to cry. Crying is the only thing I know now. I know once I cry i will feel a lot better. So if I cry, just let me be and lend me your shoulders. I promise after my tears I will continue to be strong and pretend nothing is wrong. I truly believe one day the sun will shine again. For now let the tears flow, it's the only way I can ease the pain.
I need to let this out. Sorry for this rant. You can choose not to read it if you want.
I have broken up with my bf of 4 years just recently because I feel in love with someone else. Cy decided he loved me enough to forgive me but somehow as I lay in bed that night I realise, he can forgive me but I can't forgive myself. There was no more feelings. Nothing at all. No love, hate, anger, sadness, dissapointment, nothing. How did I get myself into this situation? As for the guy I liked, he was a coward, unwilling to face up to reality and fight for something he wants. I never needed those promises, those three words. At first it was a fling to me and he wanted to be serious and he took it all back in the end. Why? Why make it serious and then take it back? When I asked for a reason, he ran. He couldn't face up to his own responsibilties as a man. I do not care what the reason is, I just needed to know the truth. It was over before it even began.
Whilst on the other hand, Cy is here helping me, holding me together, trying to keep all the pieces together, helping me avoid depression.
I have a man who loves me but I no longer love while the one I want doesn't want me.
I have no more reason to remain where I am anymore. I only want to leave. I know many people have said I'm running away from my problems. I know. At this moment none of this problems I can solve, none of it will have an outcome. In fact it is notnger a problem because there is nothing there. I can only hope for my future, chase after my dreams for they are the only thing left in my life. This is why I'm leaving. This is why I'm running.
有爱就有恨
或多或少
有幸福就有烦恼
除非你都不要
跟你的温柔比较
一切变得不重要
没有你 分分秒秒
都是煎熬
有爱就有恨
或多或少
想一次白头到老
说再见太潦草
看你头也不回地走掉
心里像火烧
分分秒秒 没有你
管他艳阳高照
忘记你我做不到
不去天涯海角
在我身边就好
要是承诺不可靠
是什么让我们拥抱
忘记你我做不到
不去天涯海角
在我身边就好
如果爱是痛苦的泥沼
让我们一起逃
Inilah perasaan aku sekarang. Duka dan kecewa.
Kiranya kau tahu
Apa yang tersimpan di hati
Hanya tuhan yang mengerti
Betapaku kecewa
Air mata ini
Adalah luahan duka
Tidak pernah kau mengesatnya
Sekalipun tangisan darah
Aku tak upaya
Ku tak berupaya
Meraih cintamu
Biarpunku serah segalanya
Aku tak upaya
Ku tak berupaya
Biar apapun yang kan terjadi
Menantimu …Selamanya ...
Aku tak upaya
Ku tak berupaya
Hanya tuhan saja yang menduga
Aku redha ...Tak berdaya ...
Sekarang aku hanya boleh lepas tanganku.
